Babies...

I want to have babies, badly. I love the Yankee so much and want to create something tangible that's a little bit of both of us. I want to be directly responsible for rearing a little life and trying very hard to craft a happy, productive member of society. It's an odd thing: when you announce to whomever you tend to make announcements to that you are going to start trying to have a baby, the underlying message is that you are your partner plan to have copious amounts of sex on a regular basis. No one seems to acknowledge this, but it's the truth, isn't it?

Heh, my mom doesn't really read my blog so I'm not worried about what kind of thoughts that might give her :)

So we're all ready to start trying this fall. October is officially our baby month, so if you'd like to schedule anything and I say no, please know that I am too busy doing what pleases the Lord :) For this reason, I went to see a doctor to just make sure all of my equipment is functioning regularly- only to find out that I have PCOS. So my body is currently making too many "male" hormones (that MUST be the reason for all of my scandalous and innapropriate jokes!). One of the most tangible side-effects of this condition is that making babies can be difficult. As in the conceiving part.

At one point in my life, I was clinically obese- as in a BMI of over 35- and was in a kind of pre-PCOS state. At thats point in my life, my doctor said that if I could manage to get pregnant, I would have in be on bed rest the entire time and inject myself with blood thinners. No thanks. So I lost 65 pounds and thought I had escaped the beast, but it turns out I didn't.

I am still trying to decide how I feel about all of this. I get a bit weepy and pouty sometime, but most of the time I just resolve to make a plan and attack.  The typical first step to treating PCOS is to lose weight, if you have weight to lose. I am still overweight, although not even close to where I was. I hate working out- I mean I HATE working out. And yet I know that it will make such a difference when paired with a healthy, reasonable, sustainable diet. But seriously y'all, if you gave me a choice between a filling and a workout, I'm really not sure which one I would choose.

This is the motivating thought that I keep coming back to: I have loved my babies for years, even though I don't have them yet. I think about what kind of mother I'd like to be and various strategies for dealing with random baby-ish things and I feel love in my heart for little ones that I am still dreaming of. I wholly believe that I will do many things for my children and because of them; if this is what I have to do to create them, to have a shot at holding my beloved little dream-babies in my arms, then this is what I will do.

If I need to lose 30 pounds and stop drinking coffee- I will. If I need to get used to darn old Tony Horton every morning- I will. If I have to incorporate more discipline into my life- I will. Because I really want to be a mother and I really want to carry and birth my own happy, healthy, bi-racial, potentially sassy, hopefully-not-too-wierd children.

But I still hate excercise. Really y'all... HATE IT.

So tonight I am a Happy Girl and by Tuesday I predict I will be a sore girl....