Thursday, July 14, 2016

Whole30 Check In - Day 14

This diet sucks y'all. I hate it.

You can read about the progression of a person on the Whole30 here: Day 6 was rough for me and it's basically just stayed rough.

I tried doing a Whole30 in October and quit on day 6. This time I prepared myself for about 3 weeks before starting. I cut my sugars a lot and I planned a variety of dinners and lunches so I wouldn't get bored and subject my family to endless pots of broccoli and lettuce salad with lemon juice. Can you guess what happened? I HATE EVERYTHING I HAVE TRIED. 

Last night I spent an hour making a new meatloaf recipe, french fries, and salad. The meatloaf had normal-sounding ingredients in it that I enjoy in other foods, so it's not like I was chasing a real wild card or anything. After my first bite, I just spit it out and went out to get us dinner (no, I will not tell you what we ate). After eating second dinner, there were only 20 minutes until Emily's bed time and I had not played with her at all. Luis spent the evening wrangling her and we let her unpack baskets and boxes and basically tear up the entire first floor. Once I sat down to play, she bit me and had to go into timeout. So to recap that is

  • an entire wasted meal
  • a cheat meal + the cost of this meal
  • an evening NOT spent with my family
  • an insanely messy house
  • toddler time out (generally consists of me holding her into place for 60 seconds)

So I texted my cousins, who are doing this with me. Are you ready for their reactions?

These two are awesome and encouraging and I love doing this with them.

Feel free to confront me if I talk about doing this again.

Sunday, July 3, 2016

Level Up Weight Loss

When I first started Weight Watchers, and for many years after, I tried to see juuuuuust how junky my diet could be while still losing weight. If I only ate a small order of fries and a cheeseburger, I could still lose. If I ate 100 calorie snack packs, I could still lose. If I slept in super late and ate a burrito bowl at 11:30 and nothing else all day,  I could still lose.

I eliminated gluten from my diet in 2010 and let me tell y'all, you can eat some serious junk food without involving gluten. 

Since I have been in my 30's, I find myself more sensitive to different foods. It's been dairy, gluten, and artificial sweeteners for years. But in the past year or so, soy has been creeping in. I love soy milk when it's involved in dessert in a cup from Starbucks. For about 4 years now, refined sugars have ebbed and flowed into my diet, first making my skin terrible, then giving me a random pain around my spleen, and lately causing  crazy level 10 stomach aches. I eat the junk and feel like crap then crave more junk.

Why do some people get iron stomachs while mine appears to be made of tissue paper? I feel like an overripe peach that will snag on a branch and peel.

I started a Whole30 on July 1st with two of my cousins. You can google that if your haven't heard of it at least a dozen times (bc it's super popular). I read and planned and prepared and shopped for this. I am on Day 3 and I feel ok so far. That hardest part has been missing sugar  in my coffee, but it's not terrible. 

I sometimes feel overwhelmed when I think about whether I will be able to reintroduce foods into my diet after this. It never occurred to me that I would need to be gluten free for life. What if I can't eat beans, drink a soy mocha, or have a GF cupcake without suffering y'all? Is that really sustainable? When I say suffer, I really mean doubled over in pain, short of breath, with tears on my cheeks. Honestly, that is not sustainable either.

I just know I need to feel better than I have been.

Sunday, June 19, 2016

Feeling discouraged but really just tired

Last year, in October, I tried doing a round of Whole30 and flopped because I hadn't planned well and wasn't prepared. I am prepping and psyching myself up to try again in July and three things keep giving me anxiety:
1. Coffee conundrum. I like xylitol in my coffee and I drink a lot of it.
2. What in the heck am I going to eat?
3. The prep

The prep is where it all falls apart for me. Is that true for you? I don't really know many people who are spontaneously and effortlessly peeling the carrots after a long  day of work. Yesterday after Costco, dinner, play time, and bath time, I went to do our regular grocery shopping. This was about  75% produce, which I am actually feeling pretty proud of. But then I needed to wash it, prep it, split up the huge packages of meat we got from Costco, and clean it all up. And when I say "need," I mean it y'all. The prep sets me up for so much success, and it's a sad set of dominoes that topple if I don't.

So after I was done, an hour after getting home from shopping, I ate a snack and hit a wall and just headed up to bed. I could feel that anxiety kicking in, thinking about how much more work I will have if I start a Whole30. I get nervous thinking about planning meals without a starch, honestly. I am not very adventurous when it comes to vegetables, so I get into a rut of broccoli and salads super quickly. 

I don't really have any pearls of wisdom to share about this topic. The only thing that comes to mind is just do it anyway. Prep the veggies even if you are tired. Push through for a few minutes, knowing that it's going to help on Tuesday when you oversleep and you're shoveling the food into baggies and trying not to sweat too much before you jump into the car to blast your body with the air conditioning.

Lastly, I am down 50 pounds since December. That feel great y'all.

Saturday, June 11, 2016

Summer Goals

Today at Weight Watchers my very first WW leader was subbing for my regular leader. I realized I started WW for the first time in 2002. Almost 14 years ago! How is it possible that in 14 years I haven't figured this out? I have gained and lost 65-75 pounds 3 times already, and I am working on 75 for the fourth time. That is humbling y'all. People are dying of hunger in the world and I am dying of cheeseburgers.

After the meeting, someone stopped me to tell me how skinny I looked, and last week someone said I look like what she wants her "after" picture to look like. Oh my gosh y'all! Those are two fabulous compliments!! Since December I have lost 45 pounds and I really do feel great. When I hear something like that, it really gives me a little push and bounce in my step. I have been a bit off the rails lately and I am going to just get back on track.

My goal for this summer is to lose 25 pounds by the end of August. That's a lot. It's a Thanksgiving turkey. It's more than my daughter weighs. I am so so so close to fitting into old clothes and I am finally feeling healthy all of the time. 

I have a lot of things I want to say about losing weight and getting healthy. My cousin posts a lot about what she is eating and doing while she tries to make the Whole30 her for-real-lifestyle. I keep thinking about my WW life and how I will make that a lifestyle when I do get to Lifetime status. I'll be honest y'all, my default mode is still pretty junky, and heavy on the dairy and sugar.

Wednesday, November 11, 2015

Goal Check In!

My 30 Day Elliptical Challenge is DONE! Those last ten days were rough y'all. So now it's November 11th and guess how many times I have worked out! NONE! Not once! But I did take a business trip to New York and walked all over the place in dress shoes. And this week I have been super active all over my house, so I know I'm getting some decent movement in. 

So let's talk about the Whole30. I WholeFailed. I lasted 6 days and on the first Saturday our family routine got waaay off and my blood sugar was so low I started feeling woozy and my vision was slowly getting black around the edges. So I ate 3 cups of Cheerios and a cheeseburger and fries. Then I just could not get back on the wagon. I'm not saying the diet is impossible or that anyone should avoid it-- it's actually a great way to eat and I genuinely felt great while I was doing it. It's just not ideal right now.

So what is next? Y'all I am in my fat season. I remember in high school my cousin was playing volleyball and working really hard not to gain weight over the holidays. I was in awe of her (still am for 100 reasons) and I have probably made a vow that I would just try not to GAIN weight over the holidays. How many times has that worked? As many times as I have worked out this month.

So here is my plan. First, absolutely NO CANDY IN MY HOUSE. I am not a moderate person who eats just one piece a day. That has worked as many holiday seasons as I have avoided gaining weight. Second, eat a whole lot of plants and meat and eggs without hormones or antibiotics. Third, I like to eat the same things for breakfast and lunch for weeks and weeks, so I try to make it super healthy and good to eat. My current routine is too boring to share, which is how I like it.

I do not currently have an exercise plan. I am not sure what to do about that.

So there it is. It's not great and I have not lost or gained a pound in two weeks. I am going to keep working on this one.

Friday, October 16, 2015

GMCT Goal 2/My One Word

Have you heard of "My One Word"? I like to set a one word goal for myself each year; in the past I had a phrase or a theme but now I narrow it down to one word and try to structure my goals and endeavors for the year around it. Last year my word was Imperfect. As I prepared to become a mama, I knew it was important for me to acknowledge that things can be imperfect and still be awesome, fun, memorable, and enjoyable. I also realized last year that I don't normally come up with my word around the start of the year, when everyone makes resolutions, so I decided to shift that timing to my birthday. September works with my biorhythms because it's back to school time, so it's a  nice time to start fresh. And also buy a new backpack for no reason.

So this year Luis suggested that I have two words: one for motherhood and one for Katehood. As usual, my darling man was wise and right. He reminded me that I am a mama, but I am also a lot of other things, and once he heard my mama-word he said it might not be appropriate for work. Heh. Hashtag boundaries, amiright?

This year my Mama One Word is Playful. My Kate One Word is Execute.

At this stage in Emily's life, what she does shapes how she grows and playtime is the perfect time to teach her. Through play, she can develop fine and gross motor skills, problem solving, and recognition. She can do all of this and have fun, which also means she flashes her million dollar two teeth grin, which melts my heart. Win win win win win. I want to get down on the floor and play, let her climb on me and drool, and just be her mama. We have so much fun together and I love playing with her. And yet, I am guilty of checking FB during play time, or folding laundry that can wait. I have a feeling this will always be a struggle, and I know I am not the only mama who struggles with this. So, lots of work here and lots of opportunities for fun!!

My Kate One Word is Execute. Ahhhhh this is going to be a tough one. I am the queen of making lists... of things that never get crossed off. I have so many good ideas swirling in my head... that never get into my life. This one touches all areas of my life, especially health and work. I have so many things to say about this one! I think Execute has a lot to do with acknowledging my authentic self (Authentic was the word two years ago). So so so much to say about this one.

So there you have it, two goals in one. More to come.

Still tearing it up on the Elliptical Challenge.

Tuesday, October 13, 2015

Update on Goal #1

Well last week I lost seven pounds! That felt so amazing and encouraging when I got on the scale. I couldn't even believe it and had to check twice. I was feeling great and put on some new khakis and they were too big. Too big?! Amazing! So I got super excited then and tried on my jeans one size smaller and they wouldn't even button. Craaaaaap. And then I felt deflated and all I could think about was that. So I decided to go the other direction and gather all the jeans and pants that don't fit and move them out of my closet so they aren't in there taunting me and making me feel bad. Which then made me feel worse because as I laid them all out I saw the size difference between them and I saw how far my body will need to shrink before I fit them again. 

And then the guilt and shame came. I felt guilty for the money spent on the pants. Two pair I have had for over 10 years now. Which means I moved them from one place to another at least ten times and have not worn them once. I felt shameful that my body looks how it does because I can't hide it, no matter how I dress. I can cover acne scars with makeup but everyone can see the size of my thighs. And my preferred size and quantity of cheeseburgers.

But I can't go back and un-eat that food, unspend the money, or relive my life. That is the crux, the inspiration for so many things in my life: avoiding regret. Sometimes I hate Past Kate with a passion when I am scrambling because I procrastinated or trip over my shoes because I didn't put them away. But most of time I just wish Past Kate has been more thoughtful about the impact her actions would have on me, Present Kate. I wish I had made better choices. I am writing specifically about food and weight here; we don't need to unpack the baggage of my former life!

So I can't go back, I can only go forward. The choices I make today do matter. I am not the person who keeps a bag of candy around and makes it last for weeks by just eating one piece here and there. I am the fat kid that eats 10 pieces and hides the wrappers from the husband who has never, ever shamed me for eating a single thing. Those 10 pieces matter.

I am still keeping up with my 30 Day Elliptical Challenge. For the past two nights my daughter hasn't slept very well but I have still done my workout. I am not aiming for peak workouts here, I am checking the box. I am rising above sloth level and just CHALLENGING myself. And it's really working. I feel better and I'm so glad every time a workout is finished.

It's going to take a long time but this is my goal and I am 10 percent there.