Monday, August 20, 2012

A Very Valiente Thought on My Mind

Here's something I have been thinking about:
     It is not my responsibility to ensure that I am not treated offensively
     It is not my responsibility to get even or confront the person with their own behavior
     It IS my responsibility to control my behavior. reaction, and where I choose to let my thoughts   

So that's pretty simple, isn't it?

Do you ever do this: dwell on past arguments or offenses, rehashing what you should have said, and then predicting what that person would have said in response, going back and forth, getting all worked up and fiesty inside? My mother says that when you're doing that, you're having a conversation with a person when they aren't in the room. Then the next time you interact with that person, you kind of emotionally vomit all over them, spilling at that theoretical rage their way.

Sometimes when I am washing the dishes, my mind goes to my past haunts and I get all bent out of shape over the past. It happens at work too. And all of a sudden I find myself stewing and I seriously hate feeling that way. I hate feeling so much anxiety with no viable outlet. I hate that I spend my time rehashing things in the past or preparing my defenses against some un-suspecting co-worker. I don't like holding on to all that junk.

I like this verse from Ecclesiastes:
Don't eavesdrop on the conversation of others.
What if the gossip's about you and you'd rather not hear it?
You've done that a few times, haven't you—said things
Behind someone's back you wouldn't say to his face?

Throughout my life and throughout the Bible, I've been given peice after piece of advice about not getting offended and not taking things personally. And many times I actually do pretty well at that. But sometimes I don't. Sometimes things catch me off guard, or I try to avoid confrontation and instead my moodiness just sits inside me. Sometimes I have a case of the Mondays even on a Wednesday.

Seems pretty simple- and yet, perhaps it's just easier said than done. But those three lines at the top of this entry kind of came into my mind on Saturday and they have been stuck there like gum in hair. And you know, it's really been a helpful little thing to repeat to myself. It's a bit more helpful for me to repeat this to myself than to take a bunch of deep breaths.
Feel free to confront me if you hearing me sighing in an excessive way. That's a sure sign that I am bent out of shape about something.